We’ve been traveling all day. Joseph is doing everything he can to get us there quickly but not move too fast. My back is aching and I feel miserable. I shouldn’t complain though. I mean who am I to complain?
Suddenly, I’m taken back to that day in the cave. I had gone to put away the linens as mother had instructed me, and then all of a sudden, I couldn’t see. There was light everywhere. My stomach felt funny, like I was going to throw up for a second. Finally, I could make out the image of a man…. or… a bird?… or… what was that? He looked like a warrior prepared for a majestic battle. Everything in me flipped upside down. I felt paralyzed. “Greetings, you who are highly favored!” he said. Highly favored? By whom? Why? I’m just a girl from Nazareth. No one favors me. Fear rose higher and higher until I thought it might explode out of me. I wanted to run but I couldn’t. He spoke again, but this time in a great whisper that sounded like rain: “Do not be afraid.”
Peace.
In this moment now, I’m riding a donkey into a town I’ve never been, with a man I barely know, AND I’m pregnant. But as I think of the warrior’s call to abandon my fear, my soul is flooded with tranquility and stillness. I feel the boy moving in my stomach, and I begin to dream.
Ever since I was little, my parents have read me the scriptures and told me of a savoir that would make everything peaceful. Here He is. Inside of me. I feel the promised peace and tears spring to my eyes. What will His face look like? What color will His eyes be? Will he have my nose? Will he look anything like me?
“We are only about a mile away.”
Joseph’s deep voice penetrates my thoughts. I begin studying him. When I told him about the warrior visiting me, he was completely silent. I saw his jaw begin to protrude as he held back all of the pain I could see in his eyes. I knew he didn’t believe me. I had just broken his heart, and it wasn’t even my fault. This favor that the warrior had said I had felt more like a punishment than a blessing.
When Joseph came to me later, every inch of my body wanted to run. What if he had brought a stone? He had every right to kill me. At least, he thought he did. My mind was thinking through the fastest way to escape. But then he said my name. There was no anger in his voice. No, that was different. That was… love, understanding, joy. My mind stopped pining for escape and I found his eyes locked to mine. “Do not be afraid,” he said.
As I look at him now I see that same love, but also a newfound determination. “Yes, Lord,” I whispered in my heart. “He will be the perfect man to raise the Messiah.” I feel so overwhelmed at God’s provision for us, for his Messiah.
We arrive in Bethlehem and Joseph goes to check for a room. When he comes back he looks discouraged. “Joseph, what’s the matter?” I ask.
He hesitates.
“There are no rooms left. All they have is the stable out back.”
Yeshua kicks.
“We can take whatever we need to,” I try to encourage him.
“I will find us a room, we may just have to walk a litt-”
My water breaks.
“Joseph, we should take the stable.”
“No, I want to find a better-”
“Joseph. Take. The stable.”
Once he realizes what is happening he runs back into the inn and the innkeeper leads us around the back of the building. The two of them help me off of the donkey and into a heap of hay in the corner.
For the next few hours all I see is Joseph’s face. Through the sweat and tears, I lock in on his eyes of reassurance. I push for hours and hours and then finally I hear it. My Messiah, My Savior: crying. We are the first people in all the world to hear the sound of His voice. I want to close my eyes in worshipful surrender, and then I remember that I get to hold Him. Joseph places Him in my arms, and I see His face. My King, the King of the universe. You have my nose.
Tears flow from the flood of emotions rushing through me. I hold His tiny hands and imagine all the people they will save. He came from me… but I exist because of Him. My sweet Yeshua. You are mine, and I am Yours.